Posties (100WCGU week #17)

My second entry for the 100 Word Challenge for Grown-Ups really ought to have been easier than my first, last week. You might remember that I had been inspired simply by only having to complete 50 words. (It was like a half-price sale – how could I resist?)

Well – this week is, by comparison, Blue-Cross week. Julia is insisting on contributors completing the challenge in only 21 words. The topical prompt is a perennial favourite in classrooms around the country:

Remember remember the fifth of November
Gunpowder, treason and plot.
I see no reason why gunpowder, treason
Should ever be forgot…

… and Julia’s instructions:

“Now it has a rhythm to it – yes? Your challenge this week is to write something with the same rhythm using only 21 words that include ‘ …in winter we shiver…‘ Easy!”

So. Easy eh? Two and a half hours later, here is Posties:

Deliver, deliver, in Winter we shiver

Packages, presents (and bills)

In ev’ry season, we aggregate fees an’

deliver post, no frills …

I tried to emulate the rhythm, rhyme patterns and meter of the original. Has it worked, or has it led me down restrictive avenues, forcing me to adopt awkward word choices and rhymes? If next week’s challenge isn’t a Haiku …

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32 thoughts on “Posties (100WCGU week #17)

  1. I like this. I think you did well with the challenge and I like your angle in.

  2. Alison Green says:

    Well done. This is a really original take on the prompt. Regarding the haiku, don’t give Julia such ideas!

  3. Lisa Wields Words says:

    i think you succeeded, but I hope next weeks challenge is NOT a haiku.

  4. Sally-Jayne says:

    Don’t put ideas likes haikus into Julia’s head! I like this one – it’s a really interesting way of delaing with the prompt. Well done!

  5. This is such a fun angle to take. Love it! Distribute would work, but i like your word choice. No haikus.cinquains fit english a lot better. Aaarrrggghh now I’m putting ideas about :-S

  6. wcdameron says:

    Excellent! You captured the rythm perfectly

  7. You don’t often hear about the Christmas post from the point of view of the NPO – except when they threaten to strike.

  8. bubbleboo says:

    Oh, it has definitely worked – it’s wonderful! And such a unique take on the prompt – bravo 😀

  9. A great take on the prompt! Certainly not an easy one this week!

  10. Joanna Burns says:

    Ha I like the way you have rhymed season with ‘we aggregate fees an.’ Very clever. Great work.

  11. jfb57 says:

    It did work VERY WELL Nelly! Thank you so much for visiting again. Sorry they have been tricky. Easier next week – promise!

  12. Mrs TeePot says:

    Fabulous poem, shame the Royal Mail doesn’t do it! lol!

  13. Robin Hawke says:

    I love that shivers produced a poem about bills…Robin

  14. ventahl says:

    Not easy and the stanza and flow is spot on. Not sure about aggregate but a worthy entry.

    • nellyache says:

      No – I’m not sure about aggregate either. It came about as a way to solve the problem of rhymes – I wanted to keep season, but not reason, so that the line echoed the original. I came up with ‘fees and’, which I then abbreviated. That left me with the problem of finding a three-syllable verb which meant ‘collect’. This was what took most of the time as I agonised over it for ages!

  15. Lynda Dixon says:

    I think the Post Office should use your poem in their Christmas advert!

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